No one likes breakfast at all… not the first meal of the day, but that last meal the supposed love of your life serves you before jumping ship, leaving you wrecked and saddled with the responsibility of getting over someone…hmm!
Getting over someone to whom you had bared your soul isn’t an easy feat for anybody. You’d struggle with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, self-esteem issues, trust issues, and even extreme feelings of sadness. Questions like “what did I do wrong, why wasn’t I enough, is there someone else, is she prettier than me, does he have more money than me” flood into your mind like the streets of Lekki after heavy rainfall.
With all of these worries, all that you’d want is to find a way to just make the pain go away. Even the best of us tend to look for quick methods that only end up providing transient relief. In the end, you still find yourself stalking their social media accounts, comparing prospective partners to them, going through photo mementos of the relationship, avoiding places you think they might be at, struggling with the urge to call or text them, and you even hold out hope that things will work out eventually and so you stay away from relationships altogether. All of these are signs that you haven’t moved on yet.
Signs you still haven’t fully dealt with your break-up;
- Stress- eating
Despite what they show you in movies, eating your weight in ice cream doesn’t help. All that you’d find at the bottom of an ice cream bowl is the realization of the number of calories you just consumed and this just leads to another type of worry that ends up triggering the emotions you tried so hard to suppress. The same thing goes for stress-eating junks.
- Maladaptive coping styles
This usually includes alcoholism, substance misuse to escape your feelings and present reality, gambling to distract yourself, self-cutting to punish yourself or feel physical pain instead of the emotional pain eating you up, staying up late binge-watching movies when you know you need rest. The fact is that all these coping styles do is increase your stress and anxiety and negatively impact your mental well-being.
- Avoiding their names
You not wanting to have your ex-partner’s name mentioned so often around you is understandable as it can be a trigger. But this is something you have to deal with at the end of the day because honestly their names might be as common as “Tobi” or “Chike” or “Idris” and you can’t go on in life, bursting into tears at every mention of these names.
- Not wanting to talk about it
Unsurprisingly, avoiding your problems will not make them disappear. No, your problems don’t just get sad about being ignored and leave. Instead, they hang over your head like a cloud or like an itch you just can’t scratch and be done with.
Just like with ice cream, the movies lied about rebounds too. All that results from this is more hurt and you end up hurting other people along the way as well(hurt people, hurt people) which makes you feel even worse.
Moving on can be a lot harder than most people make it out to be. Even if it was a mutual decision to end the relationship, both parties are still bound to leave with broken hearts.
Here are 5 tips that can help after a break-up;
Take time out for yourself
This is very important. You need to take out time to do things that you find relaxing like going to a spa, watching movies, reading, or even simply listening to music that puts you in good spirits. Try a relationship detox; don’t move on quickly into another one that’s waiting. Enjoy this newfound relationship with yourself.
Don’t play the blame game
Keep in mind that there are two people in a relationship. This often means two different perspectives and two people who made mistakes. As tempting as it might be to simply blame yourself (or your ex-partner), this is not a healthy way to cope with a breakup. Don’t accommodate thoughts that you didn’t deserve them or that they didn’t deserve you. It took two to tango and once you can accept this, you can begin to face the fact that you will be happy without them eventually.
Is there a new hobby you’ve been wanting to pick up or a class you’ve been wanting to take? Now is the time to do so. Have something new and/or exciting to look forward to in your calendar—outings with friends or an event to attend. Engaging in something will help you dwell less on the thought that “you are single at the moment”.
Allow yourself time to mourn
You might not know this but the end of a relationship requires mourning. It involves letting go of someone you really care for and attached dreams and an idea of the future too. You go from having someone etched into your daily routine to learning how to not text or call them when you’re excited about a piece of news. Allow yourself time to cry if you have to and mourn so there’s an avenue for you to move on.
Talk to someone
You’re not alone! You have friends and family who love you so much and want to be there for you so let them. Accept their help and don’t put up the “tough guy” façade, it helps nobody.
You can also seek professional help with a therapist at the ES Therapy Hub to deal with the breakup, let go and be able to move on.